GOD…my best friend !
The temptation I fight the most is the urge to disappear. To step away from all my hard work and people I know and purchase a little villa somewhere and just be gone. I feel like I’ve had enough suffering and hard times and I want to be free of worrying about others and carrying the load of responsibility all the time. That if I had enough money to just throw at everyone and then go ghost on them to my secluded undisclosed destination. I feel a strong urge to be super selfish just once in my life. I have a tendency to day dream a lot. I read in some book or other that it’s the minds way of taking a little mini vacation to relieve stress or pressure.
I do realize that it is at these times I have to be very careful about where my mind drifts off to on these little outings. At times, unsettling or negative thoughts creep in on me. I find that I start to worry instead of my mind staying on my beautiful tropical getaway. My other temptation that tries to spark back up is anger. That was a huge problem for me and a big contribution to my decline in health. It was a rare occasion that I showed my anger to others. It eats me up inside. When I did start letting people know when they upset me or make me angry, they began to hit back and talk about me like I had lost my mind. I’m not talking about angry outbursts or hissy fits. I mean talking to them logically to let them know they pissed me off. The thing is that now, I get those angry moments when I’m praying. I’ll go off on a deviation in a frame of thought and be totally angry to the point of tears and wanting to just go out and slap the shit out of somebody, whoever I was angry about.
As they say, the devil is behind us trying desperately to distract our thoughts so we don’t pray. I’m glad that it has been happening this way because I’ve been letting my true feelings out to the best friend I’ll ever have, God.. As long as I keep resisting temptation with his help, I keep getting stronger, more positive and more peaceful.
I do realize that it is at these times I have to be very careful about where my mind drifts off to on these little outings. At times, unsettling or negative thoughts creep in on me. I find that I start to worry instead of my mind staying on my beautiful tropical getaway. My other temptation that tries to spark back up is anger. That was a huge problem for me and a big contribution to my decline in health. It was a rare occasion that I showed my anger to others. It eats me up inside. When I did start letting people know when they upset me or make me angry, they began to hit back and talk about me like I had lost my mind. I’m not talking about angry outbursts or hissy fits. I mean talking to them logically to let them know they pissed me off. The thing is that now, I get those angry moments when I’m praying. I’ll go off on a deviation in a frame of thought and be totally angry to the point of tears and wanting to just go out and slap the shit out of somebody, whoever I was angry about.
As they say, the devil is behind us trying desperately to distract our thoughts so we don’t pray. I’m glad that it has been happening this way because I’ve been letting my true feelings out to the best friend I’ll ever have, God.. As long as I keep resisting temptation with his help, I keep getting stronger, more positive and more peaceful.
